Now...are you ready for my one hundred million dollar question? Do you truly, wholly, really want happiness in your life? One hundred percent?!!! If you say yes and you are still feeling unhappy, chances are you are pushing happiness out your door.
Meet sixty year old Clara (not her real name). She is an unmarried woman and looks very pretty even amidst the few wrinkles that you see around her deep set eyes. She must have been very gorgeous in her younger years. But Clara has this despondent energy around her that makes you wonder whatever happened to her.
And then you asked THE QUESTION. How are you Clara? She pounced on those words like a woman desperate and hungry and she recounted in detail all her woes and foes and what might-have-beens. An hour later, you feel drained yourself and you begin to think how unlucky she was and how cruel her family and relatives are. You even begin to hate life yourself thinking it's the enemy to this whole picture.
Later than week, you meet Fe, Clara's sister. Oh Fe is very much different from Clara. This woman simply exudes happiness and joy. You know the kind that makes you not want to leave because you find yourself smiling at the things she is sharing and talking about? Well, she was one of those. Fe talks about Clara in a very different way. You gasp. Fe shares how Clara is so helpful around the house and how good she is in taking care of her kids when she is busy at work. Are they talking about the same person?
So I asked, "Fe, Clara seems unhappy to me..." I trailed off looking at Fe's reaction. I saw Fe's eyes dimmed with sadness. "Yes we know. We try so hard to understand her. But she just pushes us away. Unconsciously I think. I guess mom's death affected her greatly and she never recovered from that."
Fe explained that they tried everything from making sure they make her feel included, needed, appreciated and loved but Clara just won't accept it. She had made the unconscious choice to stay in the dark, believing that nobody cared for her and the world was a cruel place to live in.
I've been to their house several times and I did see how Fe and her family tried to share with Clara the joy of life but Clara refused to budge. I watched as Clara refused offers of outing or compliments/praise or even help. She stubbornly refused to be happy.
This made me realized that finding happiness is a choice we all must make individually. We have to allow happiness in. We have to allow ourselves to be happy by finding happiness within us. We have to give ourselves permission to be happy.
If you are feeling this way, STOP, right now...stop hating yourself. Instead say "I allow myself to be happy. I allow myself to be happy. I allow myself to be happy."
Say it everyday.
Say these words every time you feel like you are stopping yourself from being happy.
Say it often.
Say it with a smile.
Say it and believe it.
What is one of the secret to find happiness? Allow happiness in.